Rocket Man starts playing in the background as I am listening to an extremely emotionally overwhelming conversation. We haven’t hit the chorus yet. Someone in the group is still talking. This is the first time I attempt to listen to the lyrics of this song. They are sad. Profoundly lonely, floating somewhere around in the ambience of Larder and Folk, these lyrics start making sense. At least to me.
I look for cues to understand if other people are listening to this song too. Because if they have, then it would surely show on their faces or in their speech. We are talking about something extremely pure, emotional, and vulnerable. Additionally, everyone has heard this song. I am sure of my hypothesis. They have heard it before. They have probably heard it repeatedly and know the lyrics too. Right now, these “others” have been vulnerable since a while as they discuss something extremely emotionally close to them. Too close a loss to not carry. My audacity shows as I bite my lips and pinch my left hand to control my emotions. I am looking for signs in the others too.
If anyone has felt the extremely heavy weight that this songs carries. The loss that it represents. The emotions that it exposes. Then it would show.
I can’t see anything super evident. But I know, deep down, today, everyone is just surviving. Holding onto the edge of their still existing self. Most of it, was eaten up by the loss of their son.
A heavy-handed callous roll by God. His die has struck someone down. No one knew that it had been cast. Just happened. Without any information and intimation. We received the news at our doorsteps as the die knocked it down.
Today, I am broken. Like a pigeon trying to figure out if it still can move. Unable to though, on the road, it remains still as it waits for life. I watch life around me pass by, people living their meaningless life (read this with anger and contempt). Livid inside. I can’t do much today but just sit by the beach, get myself drunk, and try to pass this day. That’s all I can do, can’t I? My fragile body can’t carry the weight of a loss. So, it tries to pass it on to alcohol. Alcohol, my dearest friend, can actually do whatever it wants to. Extremely capable and unaware of the power of its existence, it drugs my senses from afar, beckons me to come closer, and touches my lips. My head falls back and bangs against the wall in a semi-drunk stupor as I listen to a new song and watch my fans individual blades merge into the long-awaited One.
And I really think its gonna be a long long time before anyone realises the true cost of time, priorities, and life. I am a rocket man, but when will others step up? Fighting for a seemingly lost cause isn’t as much fun as movies make it to be. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost someone close. I wish I could help. I really do…
I write this at 12:09 AM watching Aftersun’s finale as I try to relive myself of the emotions that I carry